Tips on Encouraging New and Desired Behaviors in Children

Laugh a lot and your children will,too

"You are loved!"  Children are children and that is exactly what you want them to be, right? You may not necessarily like or approve of their past or current behaviors. "Regardless."

Here are some valuable tips on encouraging new and desired behavior in children.

Think like children, for a moment.

Totally ignore the fact that you are an adult and think like your children, for a while. Your adult level of thought is full of things that are guided or directed by a collection of rules and regulations. That is great, but only to a degree. Your children do not necessarily know all of those rules and regulations.Thinking like children do, can help you to see how your children perceive, as opposed to how you perceive, in terms of the rules and regulations that you know are important. Now you are thinking in a children’s wonderful world, where virtually anything goes.

Safety is a primary concern.

 In the children’s world where virtually anything goes, there can be serious,  safety concerns. These cannot be ignored, because your children's lives could be endangered. Here you need to think like a responsible adult again. Your children, depending on their ages, probably do not know what the possible dangers are or where they are lurking,  in their immediate environment. Behaviors, directly related to safety concerns, need to be the new and desired behaviors that your children learn first. Self-protection is extremely important, with respect to the environment in which your children are currently situated, as well as in regard to similar circumstances or situations that may occur,  in the future...

Begin to teach your children the words yes and no.

It will not take long for your children to learn the difference between the word yes and no, if you, as the person who is responsible for them, are consistent with the use of these words. Begin with the serious and most important, safety issues. Your children will look forward to seeing whether you approve of what they are touching, playing with or doing. Acknowledge the fact that they turn to you for approval as a good behavior. Stop them immediately, if the new behavior that they are initiating is not appropriate, or one that is unsafe for them. For example, say yes when your children pick up toys that are safe for them to play with, like teddy bears or balls. Say no to destructive toys or anything they try to play with, that may be harmful to them, like knives or matches. How loudly, sternly or abruptly you speak to your children, will determine the impact of what you say. Immediately remove anything that might be dangerous to them, but do this carefully, gently and firmly. Always explain to them why it is not appropriate, if your children are old enough to understand. For an appropriate behavior, give your children a smile for yes and a frown for no. They will test you a few times to make certain that it is the same message, all the time. Let your yes always mean yes and your no mean no, as that is every important. Nod your head when behaviors are appropriate and shake your head when they are not.

Reward new and desired behavior.

New and desired behaviors to be learned by children, should always be appropriate ones, rather than those that may be deemed by you or others, to be inappropriate, at some time in the future. These should be rewarded consistently, in some way. Previous undesirable behaviors should never be rewarded. 

What are rewards? What rewards are to you, in contrast to what rewards are to your children, can be different. If you observe your children carefully or think like your children again, you will understand what they comprehend as rewards. There is no point in giving your children rewards that are not deemed to be rewards by them. They might be rewards to you as an adult, but if your children do not perceive them as rewards, they are not going re-enforce their up-to-date and desired behaviors. Always reward only new and desired behaviors. Sometimes, rewards can be a simple as smiles, using the word good or they can be something concrete, like giving your children juice, cookies or snacks. Food does not necessarily have to be the reward. Sometimes, other things work better.

Spend quality time with your children.

Time spent with your children will never be wasted. Your children can reward you in many ways, for the time that you spend with them. Spending quality time, contrary to quantity time is important, too. Make certain that your children have your undivided attention, at least part of the time when you are with them. That way, you get to know your children better and they will come to know you. Your communication level with them will improve, and you will gradually become more comfortable with each other. 

With respect to inappropriate behaviors, let your children show you what their old or previous behaviors are and then, help them to modify these. Change them to ones that are more appropriate. However, do this in a gentle, kind and loving way, so that they understand what is expected of them,  in the future. Soon, they will be able to tell the difference between desirable and undesirable behaviors.

Make certain that your children know that they are loved.

When children realize that they are loved, they do not feel the need to employ old, negative and undesirable behaviors, just to get your attention. Children wanting attention will revert to negative, destructive behaviors, because they do not feel loved. Attention getting tactics can include behaviors in which the children appear to demand punishment, because it can be a way of getting attention, even if it is negative attention. As much as possible, try to ignore inappropriate behaviors and respond to appropriate behaviors immediately, so that they know immediately what they are being rewarded for and what is right and or not right.

Speak to your children in a happy and positive happy manner.

When you are speaking to your children, always try to speak to them in a positive and happy manner, regardless of the circumstances. Avoid intentional or unintentional, demeaning or derogatory comments to your children. This is important because you do not know what they will hear, understand or remember. They may misunderstand something that will affect them adversely. It may be reflected later on in their lives. The way you speak to them, lets them know that their behavior is appropriate and assures them that you love them.

Set a good example for your children.

Everything your children see you doing or hear you saying is mentally recorded, in some way. Your children will imitate your tone of voice, facial expressions and behavior. If you watch closely, you may find your children imitating something that you have done or said, with their dolls or toys. Your behavior may be depicted in something that they try to draw or paint. 

Encourage your children to be happy and positive.

There are going to be many things in the lives of your children that  no one can change. It is important to encourage your children to be happy and positive about life, although everything cannot always be the way that they want it to be. Change is a part of our world and appropriate behaviors related to change, need to be learned. How you behave with respect to change will help to set a role model for them.

These tips will help your children to seek out new and desired behaviors, as well as teach them how to avoid old, undesirable ones. Enjoy thinking like your children again. Laugh a lot and your children will too!